Gender-Studies.... In Spanish

Today was the day that the teachers of "grado quinto" (the equivalent of American High School Seniors, I believe), let me give my gender-studies talk to the 16-year-old girls of that grade. I wanted to make the "lesson" as un-lessony as possible, so I tried to create an interactive setting for the girls to express their opinions and ideas. I kicked off the conversation by asking the girls to throw out adjectives that they feel describe women, and once there was a list of about 15 adjectives on the board, the 30+ girls in the class would get into two groups and choose which 3 adjectives they felt BEST described femininity. A couple of the words that they came up with were "unique, hard workers, fighters, responsible." Similarly, I then asked the girls to throw out adjectives that would best describe the attributes of their "ideal man," their "prince." Needless to say, being 16-year-old girls, they enjoyed this exercise. Then, I asked the girls to imagine that they were stranded on a desert island by themselves. Suddenly, they see a raft floating toward them, holding one single man who will soon join them on the island. Splitting them up into the same groups as before, in this activity I asked each group to think carefully about which 3 attributes they would deem most important to have in a man if they were to spend the rest of their lives alone with him on this island. Some of the answers they came up with were "hard worker, not macho, meticulous, loyal." (By the way, note to the reader: all of these activities and lessons were given and received entirely in Spanish). After that, I asked the girls to name some characteristics that describe a not-so-good man, getting answers such as "aggressive, macho, lier, cheater."

The goal of issuing these exercises in tandem and in this particular order was to aid my lesson to the girls that they are all deserving of having a caring, healthy, and loving relationship. In no way should they ever feel inferior or submissive because they should feel comfortable with the women they are. I ended the discussion by saying that key to having a healthy loving relationship is as follows:

1) Feel comfortable with yourself as a woman

2) Don't tolerate sexism/machismo

3) Know what you are looking for in a man/relationship

4) -- If you do all of the above, you can find yourself a healthy relationship. 

At the tail end of the class period I allowed the girls to ask me questions, and it kind of turned into an advice column discussion. Some of the girls questions were very poignant such as the girl who asked "if you are in a relationship and do all the work/give all the affection to your partner while they don't do all that much, is that okay?" (this answer, although very difficult sometimes to put into practice would be no: every relationship, regardless of whether familial, friendly, or romantic, should be a two-way-street where each person contributes equally). What was most surprising to me though was that 3 girls in the class asked me virtually the same question: "If a boy says he likes me but has a girlfriend, is he telling the truth and should I continue to invest my interest in him?" (LADDDIEEESSSS OBVIOUSLY THE ANSWER IS NO!!!! You shouldn't have to share your man. If he really loves you, he will have and show affection for you and ONLY you.) All in all, I hope I could show the girls a bit of what I know; while I am no expert in relationships, I fiercely believe that every girl AND boy deserve to be treated equally and to be in a healthy and loving relationship with the other one. What I understand to be the teachers' concerns regarding the girls and boys at the school are that they oftentimes have examples of violence or unequal partnerships at home, and unfortunately repeat these patterns in their own lives, being either the oppressors or the oppressed. Hopefully, my frank, open discussions with the girls (and frank, open gender-discussions with the boys by a beloved male teacher) can help them become more comfortable in who they are and what they stand for; because ultimately, before you love someone else, you have to love yourself. 

Fun Fact: There are two things that very concretely transcend the boundaries of cultures around the globe. These would be 1) math........ and 2) love. :]